E3 Coverage, Day 2. Spotlight: Sony

by Syke on Jun.07, 2009, under Games

sony-e3

All right, as promised, I’ve forsaken sleep and offline activities to watch the E3 conference live at 11 AM (That’s 2 hours earlier than yesterday!). In any case, I will type this as I see it, so please note that sections of this has been free-written and it may come off as very, very informal (or maybe even wrong, but I’ll update any errors I find out). But who cares about formality, we’re not doing an essay here. We’re here to find out about our games, yo. Ladies and gentlemen, I present you…

So, the Sony conference basically starts out with Sony declaring that they’re going to talk about titles that Microsoft’s already announced in their conference. Besides loving Microsoft’s sloppy seconds again this year, Sony is STILL talking about the Playstation 2 and how it’s still “outselling” next-gen systems (especially their own!), and how they’ll continue its 10+ year-old cycle. You know, the same shit they talked about back at last year’s E3. If the best part isn’t how Sony’s still talking about its last-gen system, then Sony being the only one relying on sales statistics when everyone else mostly has moved on from that at this year’s E3 is.

Then, he assumes everyone’s been playing inFamous and that’s why they’ve got bags in their eyes. The crowd, to my surprise, cheers and applauds; seems the spokesman’s master plan of boring the people with irrelevant statistics has worked like a charm. Finally, he lets a game developer take the stage to talk about Uncharted 2. You know, actual games. (I think Sony might have taken the longest to actually get to that.) A gameplay trailer plays out as the main character takes on an attack helicopter. Somehow rolling away from Gatling gun fire and running towards the helicopter makes it miss, and with a clingy annoying female sidekick cheering him on, he goes on to storm through a building full of bad guys with the marksman skills of an Imperial Stormtrooper platoon. After a lackluster ending, Mr. Speakerperson tersely says something in a really dull fashion and departs.

Sony CEO makes an appearance(!!!) and explains the new PSP Go, tailored for those with a “digital lifestyle.” I couldn’t catch the price, but it’ll be 50% smaller and 40% lighter than the original PSP.

Hideo Kojima returns, this time with a translator (lol?), to announce Metal Gear Solid: Peacewalker for the PSP. The “true missing link” in the MGS franchise, it takes Snake to the defenseless nation of Costa Rica as it’s invaded by an unknown army. A very well-done trailer, which refuses to end about 5 times, presents Snake sneaking around the rooftops of a village that looks EXACTLY like the one you start in on Resident Evil 5. I’m not even kidding. Incidentally, Resident Evil is talked about next, with yet another incoming PSP game.

So, this video showcasing what appears to be hundreds of titles plays for around 10 minutes (I even went for a bathroom break, a snack, took a roadtrip to Las Vegas, came back, and it was still playing).

So with that delicious filler over, we go to…more monologue! Fear not, though, for I dug a gem out of the dirt! I quote the main Sony spokesman: “For the past 15 years, Sony has been synonymous with the greatest franchises in the industry: Grand Theft Auto, Bully, Manhunt…” Yes, he actually said those last two.

And now not only is Sony taking Microsoft’s sloppy seconds, but Ubisoft is too, as it shows gameplay footage of Assassin’s Creed II. It reveals Da Vinci’s flying machine, which uses the hot smoke emitted by the numerous bonfires around the city to keep itself in the air (I got no idea if that’s even physics-friendly, but it works). After gliding through Venice and dodging fireworks and arrows from sentries declaring him a “flying demon,” our cold-hearted assassin hero Ezio reaches his assassination target, which, according to the game developer, can only be accessed by air. Err, puzzling. Anywho, Ezio displays new and funner ways to stealthily kill guards and other people: It seems they made the “pouncing from above + hidden blade” kill easier to execute; and, to the crowd’s great delight, Ezio is seen stabbing two guards in the throat simultaneously with the help of duo hidden blades in each hand. No longer will you have to worry about the second guard detecting you when you backstab his friend! Finally, Ezio reaches his target and takes care of him, and what’s more, it seems the hour-long-death-sequence-in-an-alternate-plane-of-existence-while-I-offer-you-some-last-words-in-a-cryptic-fashion cutscenes still occur, to boot.

A great-looking RPG trailer (with quite possibly the greatest music I’ve heard on any trailer in this E3) plays on screen, and… oh, it’s just Final Fantasy XIII. Never mind. Then, what’s this? Another MMORPG on the way by Square Enix… oh, wait, it’s just another Final Fantasy game. Moving on.

SURPRISE! Sony introduces us to a dildo with a glowing purple orb as a… no wait, that’s just their Wiimote. I’ll just go ahead and coin the term PS3mote for this new…thing.

Anyhow, they show how you can wield just about virtually (pun intended) anything using the PS3mote, from “Stop” signs, to BFSs, to tennis rackets, to golden Desert Eagles. You could even hold a flashlight and move it around to appreciate the great lighting. Additionally you can draw and write, and do all sorts of other more mundane things that the Wii hasn’t done yet, and with better graphics and motion sensing to boot. Amazingly, it seems to perfectly meld both the Wiimote and Microsoft’s Project Natal quite nicely. Impressive, but Sony’s still taking sloppy seconds here. Sloppy thirds, even.

So the apparently much-anticipated game the Last Guardian, formerly known as Trico, is one of the last trailers to be revealed. It focuses around some temple boy running away and almost falling from a high place; then some fugly, dog-headed, feathered, lizard-footed, mutant FREAK thing saves him; and then they have a bunch of adventures together with somber, idyllic music playing in the background in the style of hippie fantasy conjured by Native American mythology and a shitload of acid.

So, instead of leaving something new and unannounced for the main event (Sony blames “lol leaks” FYI), the main event turns out to be a God of War III live playable demo. It takes Kratos across a war-torn city, and he nearly meets his death in the first 30 seconds of the live gameplay sequence as the guy playing it fails to defend himself from enemy hordes and their ball projectiles. Apparently being rushed by time restraints, he bypasses hordes of enemies and walks through a door, watching Kratos get bombarded by the ball projectiles as the walking through the door animation transpires. On the next room in the level he continues to his destination, humping and raping birds as a means to platform jump to higher places; his large, flaming blade ripping the birds to bloody pieces by the time he gets off of them. He charges the city center, where a titan is doing battle with Helios, the sun god (shouldn’t it be Apollo, considering this is Greek mythology?). Saying flat interjections like “Feel the wrath of the sun!”, Apollo Helios swoops circles around the Titan like a moth in his flaming chariot. While this is all going in the background, Kratos continues. I honestly don’t see how that’s relevant, and I won’t be finding out, because Kratos was too busy action-commanding to death some giant ugly lizard who tried to sneak up on him as he was about to intervene in the Apollo Helios Vs. Titan fight; and, once done, the game was cut short because they ran out of time, bringing an end to the last E3 conference this year.

And no, no PS3 price drop. Raeg some moar.

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