Visionary Nexus Network

So I just happened to find out Halo Legends episodes are being shown through Xbox LIVE’s Halo Waypoint for free, for 24 hours every Saturday. For free? For 24 hours? Naturally, I jumped on that and it just came to me half-way through the episode: “Hey, VN hasn’t had much content lately. Maybe I should write a blog post about this.” And here I am. Now, then.

In some mess hall IN SPACE, some nobody tries to eavesdrop on a squad of Orbital Drop Shock Troopers (ODSTs), a.k.a. “Helljumpers.” (This is important because he’s part of the ending aesop thing.) We’re introduced to said squad of 4 ODSTs: O’Brian, Cortez, Dutch (the same from Halo 3: ODST, apparently), and… some black dude. I didn’t catch his name. Let’s just call him Chad. Not like it matters anyway.

… What? Don’t look at my pixelated text like that. IT MAKES SENSE IN CONTEXT, TRUST ME. READ ON AND FIND OUT.

Now, before we continue with the plot, let’s pause to consider the main character: O’Brian.

As you can see, he looks like the typical shounen protagonist and, if my anime dub viewer intuition hasn’t failed me, sounds just like a mix of Johnny Yong Bosch and Yuri Lowenthal. He instantly comes off as the loudmouth badass type (and looks cool while at it). And he’s a sniper. Come on, what could possibly go wrong? Nothing. That is, till shit hits the fan. For the oncoming mission, he’s been neglected to back-up and replaced with a Spartan, so this makes him butthurt the whole episode towards the (obviously) magnanimous Spartan. Thus, from here on out, I shall rate O’Brian with what I’ll call my ‘approval meter’ where I give cheer to badassery and a jeer otherwise. To be fair, he had a nice first impression and became my favorite from the get-go. +7

Back at the plot, the squad is briefed on their mission: Assassinate a Prophet (leader dudes) on a planet which is a logistical hub for Covenant forces. Said Prophet governs the sector and this would provide “months of tactical advantage” to the UNSC. Since this is essentially what someone with basic knowledge of military science would call a spec ops mission, it’ll be carried out with “minimum risk to the UNSC.” Subsequently, the mission starts 5 minutes after briefing. Badass. Oh, and the Spartan becomes their commanding officer for the operation, even though “he” doesn’t speak till the end and by all means Cortez still fulfills the leadership role. Good job there, storywriters.

Once they penetrate the atmosphere, the meteor shower they’re riding on just so happens to pick out Chad from the 5 drop-pods, so he dies. Guess what, kids? Our boy Chad just so happens to be what we call an “African-American” nowadays. That’s right, the black dude dies first. Because of meteors. He didn’t even do anything. Had like, 3 lines. Dies. Screams. Goes boom. So umm…yeah.

Leaving it at that, they nearly lose O’Brian too when his drop-pod crashlands in a pond, but a bit of plot immunity and plot-induced causality save him from a watery grave when the Spartan just goes over and manhandles O’Brian’s drop-pod to dry, safe land. Then O’Brian bitches about how the Spartan was “rough.” -1

I don’t know if the grass is greener on the other side, seeing this is an alien planet, but at least metaphorically it is, because our boys land near their target. They set out and on the way there, stumble to Forerunner ruins that are eeriely conveniently alike to… Japanese architecture. And here I was expecting actual Forerunner ruins. But no, the Japanese just have to push their ethnocentric bullshit on us whenever they can, don’t they? What’s next? Forerunner language is Moonspeak? Well, look at the bright side: At least this confirms the Japanese really are Mooninites. *rimshot*

Anywho, there’s Covenant patrols afoot, and our heroes effortlessly eliminate a couple Grunts… except O’Brian, who gets them spotted. Way to go. I’m pretty sure snipers and spec ops are supposed to be stealthier than fucking ninjas. -2. Oh, and he hesitates on shooting a Grunt, the fucking Goombas of the Halo games. -2

In any case, the Spartan jumps a Brute Chieftain which ambushes O’Whiner, saving him again, and shows that furry some kung fu fighting and knocks it down a waterfall. Meanwhile, all O’Brian can do is helplessly hang on (-1) so he’s helped up by the Spartan and, you guessed it, bitches to his savior yet again. -1. Why must this character archetype exist, particularly in anime? -2

They leave the Mooninite Japanese Forerunner ruins and get to the spot they’re gonna cap that Prophet from. The Spartan takes up the famous (and bad-fucking-ass) SRS99C-S2 AMB Sniper Rifle and is about to take the shot, but the Brute from before ambushes them and–wait for it–Spartan person saves our loser protagonist WHO’S JUST STANDING THERE a third and final time. -1

Unfortunately, we’re all atheists in the future, so the third time wasn’t the charm for this Spartan as the blow is fatal. Oh right, the Spartan is Samus a chick. No, seriously, she’s fucking blonde and everything. It’s like Master Chief and Samus… Ohgodbadfanfictonwhy Get it guys? “Babysitter”? Double standard? Japanese exploitation of females? Hur hur. Anyway, she urges Mr.Backup to take the shot, which he does (it was beautiful by the way. No, not Samus, the shot. +3) which elevates the approval meter on O’Brian to a grand total of…0.

After Cal-141 (Spartan chick) dies, we’re back at the mess hall, where the same guy from before (you know, first sentence if you’re still paying attention) finally tries striking up conversation only to get apples thrown at him by the enraged ODSTs for dissing the dead Spartan who fought and led them died bravely in battle.

Well, you know what they say: One bad apple…
*dons shades*
…spoils the barrel.
YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAH

TL;DR: Badass is really a douchebag, douchebag gets replaced by big guy, big guy saves douchebag, douchebag bitches, rinse and repeat, big guy is really a hot girl, hot girl dies, douchebag becomes badass for 2 seconds, douchebag gets aesop. And ancient alien ruins are Japanese.

Conclusion: This was one of those rather trite “I hate you inhuman bastards who are saving us normal people from imminent death and destruction just because you’re different but now I’ve seen the light through your undeserved death”…things. Pretty sure the trope name exists. Nothing new, but who’s expecting some Shakespearean masterpiece? Personally, I didn’t find it bad, nor did I find it excellent. At just 18 minutes, it was just short–much too short, even–but that’s not unexpected. After all, these are technically OVAs, and those aim for quality over quantity much of the time as opposed to the QUALITY(!!!) more commonly found in long-running anime series. Visual-wise, it didn’t fail to impress, even though my connection quality is crap and I was watching a stream at probably half its quality. My new HDTV widescreen probably helps, but what the hey.

Regardless, unless you’re acquainted with the Halo universe, I don’t see the typical weeaboo watching this, much less passing it for entertainment. Just like The Animatrix, these shorts are strictly for fans who wish to delve deeper into the universe of one of the most popular sci-fi settings of the new millennium, though perhaps sci-fi fans in general might want to consider giving them a look-see. As for me, I’ll be watching them every Saturday and (probably) will bring a synopsis weekly as they come up. I’m no fanboy, but I know the military sci-fi fan in me is squealing in delight, however short each “episode” might be.

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