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Crap, I got so caught up in New Years Decade, Assassin’s Creed II, Tropico 3 and whatnot that I completely forgot about this Halo Legends episode. Well, on the bright side, streaming it online gives me the chance to get some omgpics! So there’s something to make up for it, right?

Also, believe it or not, I’ve been anticipating this episode in particular. Why? I’ll explain 2 paragraphs below.

IN THE DARK REACHES OF SPACE!

After the events of Halo 3 (wherein (*ahem* Spoiler alert!(?)) the Master Chief and Cortana end up lost in deep space in a half-destroyed warship), Cortana finds herself with nothing better to do than to contemplate her virtual navel (and perhaps the Master Chief’s cryogenetically-frozen navel, as well). She claims that upon her creation, it took her 2 hours to absorb the data pertaining to all of human history, knowledge, and understanding. Well, thanks for being such a cocky cunt, Cortana. Maybe you should take up being a schoolteacher… Actually holy shit that should totally happen. A.I. teachers? No, not that! Cortana in a teacher’s–

I mean … Anyway, so this is when the flashbacks begin. Oh boy, the flashback of all flashbacks. The flashback that retells the entire Halo timeline, from 100,000 BC to 2553 AD. Not that this is a bad thing, as this episode can be compared to The Animatrix’s The Second Renaissance, and everybody knows that was the best short of the Animatrix anthology. But then again, most people watching these should already know the history, so you would think they make up for it in pretty cinematics and finally showing us a glimpse of what really happened back then, of Forerunner civilization, right? Right, so I won’t bother with a synopsis as there isn’t much to say. As I mentioned before, I’ll make it up to you with what everyone loves: Pretty pictures!

Cortana proves she was behind it all by showing us her All-Seeing Eye...

100,000 years ago, the Forerunners ruled the galaxy.
Until a bunch of extragalactic space zombies knocked on their door and, ahem, flooded their worlds and colonies.
(continue reading…)

Oh, god dammit, Microsoft, stop changing which Saturdays you’re going to air these episodes on. I nearly missed it again, but it’s clearly their bad this time. As a “plus” (if you could call it that), the entire episode was uploaded, rather than part 2 only, which makes me reviewing this harder. Oh well, time to deliver.

… Pun intended.

(continue reading…)

Wow, I almost forgot the new episode came out today, and that would’ve been completely terrible for this blog. I mean, just look at it. These come out every two weeks and nobody’s made any entries except me. As for almost screwing this up, I blame the coquito I’ve been drinking. Curse you, pagan holidays!

Contrary to popular belief, coquito is, in fact, not made of coquis or the legendary coqui water.

Inside jokes aside, worry not. I have ceased drinking the stuff to watch this 5-minute action-fest known as “The Package” (Part 1). Spoilers: MASTER CHIEF, SPARTANS FROM THE NOVELS, ARBITER FROM HALO 2-3! HYPE!

The Covenant has captured a “high-priority package”, and a Spartan squad only has 10 minutes to retrieve it. They include John-117 (better known as the “Master Chief”) and his fellow Spartans, Kelly-087, Frederic-104, Solomon-069, and Arthur-079. The Spartans hail from the novels, excluding the latter two; they’re redshirts debut characters. If they run out of time, the UNSC will simply annihilate the entire fleet alongside the package and the Spartan strike team. When the titular package is revealed, it better be something really worth it or I’ll facepalm at the opportunity to take out, you know, an entire fleet of evil genocidal aliens. (continue reading…)

You may be wondering why there was no post last Saturday. Well, someone decided to release Halo Legends episodes every two weeks now. I saw no announcement of this anywhere, so I don’t even. Know why, that is.

I thought the Arbiter armor was metallic gray? Seems like that ain’t real gold, and that everything about this short is cheap.

In any case,  this short apparently takes place during the early days of the Covenant Empire, when the Sangheili-San ‘Shyuum (Elite-Prophet) alliance was formed. Yet, there’s Hunters and Grunts featured. I’m not sure, but I’m certain those weren’t subjugated by the Covenant until much later. Say, centuries later. Well, technicalities aside.

An oversized moon reflects upon a still pond. Somewhere, an astronomer is crying, when he shouldn’t. As Unskippable any genre-savvy fellow would inform you, everybody knows the moon is bigger in Japan… Land of the Mooninites. (continue reading…)

“Play with him.”
~Rachel when summoning George XIII the Frog Troll

Next up, we have my sub/secondary Rachel Alucard, the local badass verbose gothic delicious loli of deliciousness. If you can’t tell by her very original surname, she is a vampire. And seeing a vague likeness to the Scarlets of Touhou, I’d bet my money on this being Moonlily’s main were she to play BlazBlue.

Anyway, let’s get on with it.

I'm bored...

(continue reading…)